PACT is an obsessively researched way to get back to the lovey-dovey.
I’m Julie Rappaport, MA, LPC. I can touch my nose with my tongue and have spent years finding the best therapeutic approach. (You’re welcome.)
Most couples only need 5 sessions. And you’ll leave your first session with surprisingly simple tools that actually work.
Are you lost in the woods?
When it comes to love …
the little things – are Gargantuan!
That morning he served you a PB & Strawberry sandwich with the crust cut off, just like you like. (Culinary masterpiece, it was.)
When she winked at you over the in-laws’ Thanksgiving table because she won the bet about how fast Uncle Dan would make a horrendous pun (and only you two were in on the joke).
That clear summer night he squeezed your hand as you strolled past that dilapidated old Victorian — the one you’d talked about turning into a kitschy B&B someday — and you felt thick as thieves, without saying a word.
The good news: you can stop wondering where those tiny sparks went … and get the magic back, on demand.
You know you two can be amazing together. (Like PB & Strawberry!) And you care too dang much to give up, now. But it’s never too late to be there for each other. Because love is real-time. Right here, right now. Itty bitty moment by moment.
Bickering’s a drag.
And don’t get me started on cold shoulders. But love is a grand adventure. Especially when you’ve got your best friend by your side.
Learn how to make your relationship so strong … you both go weak in the knees.
Get the magic back…
A sane approach to crazy-in-love.
The Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) helps you and your partner GET each other.
It’s kind of like a love microscope: it zooms way in on those itty bitty moments — both the lovey dovey ones and the “whoa, where’d my best friend go, and who is this jerkface?!” ones. It cuts through all the he said, she said, rolls right past the long stories about that playground trauma when you were 4 … and gets to the heart of the matter: so you two truly see, hear, and understand each other. (Thank God, right?)
Just because we’re talking about love doesn’t mean we leave science behind. PACT is a research-backed method designed specifically for couples. (Of any age, gender combination, or musical taste. And no: you don’t have to be married.) It fuses developmental neuroscience, attachment theory, and arousal regulation. (And no, you don’t have to know what any of that means. You just have to show up and have fun.)
Love isn’t a mystery. You just never got the handbook.
Your partner’s handbook, that is. You know how sometimes, you find the perfect thing to say during a fight, and she retracts her claws, relaxes, and believes you when you say, “everything’s going to be OK, babe”? But other times, everything you say just makes things worse. Oh my God, this is harder than explaining Twitter to my Grandma!!
You’re brilliant and love each other — so why is this so hard? The truth is: even though you know each other better than anyone else, you’re missing some crucial intel. This is why you keep having the Same Fight, Different Day cycle … and keep missing each other. Like ships in the night. Lonely, pissed off ships.
PACT recognizes the scientific truth: when we don’t feel secure in our relationship, our energy gets drained managing all that stress and anxiety. Then, we function at a less-than-optimal level. We slip into Fight Flight or Freeze response. That’s great if you’re an antelope being chased by a lion. But not so great when you’re just bickering about the wet towels your hubby left on the bathroom floor. (And would really rather be sipping a cappuccino and smooching in the park.)
Experience attunement: the Holy Grail of happy relationships.
“Attunement” is the scientific jargon for that feeling when everything feels peachy and warm and easy like Sunday morning. Your toddler still might be getting his Ringo on with the pots and pans … but you two are safe and warm in your happy couple bubble. Attunement is when you feel connected enough that even when you fight, you can relax and let it go. (No, not in a Buddhist, transcend-all-this-mess way. In a real, tangible, “we’re on the same team so let’s capture that flag” way.)
Don’t do couples therapy like you’re single.
Understanding yourself is wonderful. So is learning to calm yourself down. But the real, relational magic happens when you and your partner know how to soothe each other.
PACT is specifically designed for couples and teaches you (quickly and playfully) to be the foremost experts on each other, in a deep, primal level. That level that, when things are clicking and grooving, everything feels better. So you know you’ve got each other’s backs.
This isn’t your Aunt Melba’s therapy.
Counseling shouldn’t be boring. (And you didn’t come here to nap on my fine linen couch cushions.) PACT is a dynamic, playful process that keeps you engaged the whole time. I won’t waste your time asking, “now, how does that make you feel?” We’ll dig to the deep roots of understanding, together. And you’ll get simple practices to use at home that’ll have you saying, “Oh, thank God: it actually works!”
… And don’t leave your body at home.
(Even if it’s in Paleo pancake-splattered PJ’s.) Anger, anxiety, fear, and all that nasty stuff that happens between you two sometimes? It’s not just happening in your brain. It’s happening in your body, too. PACT will help you notice your sweetheart’s tiny little reactions, those “tells” of his freakouts, and gives you practices that don’t just sound sweet — they also work on a proven, physiological level.
Warning: you will be surprised.
I know, I know: you already know each other inside out. But even couples who have been together 40 years swear to me they’ve learned new things about their partner, right in their session. (And not just little things like how much they love argyle socks or whether Adele is overrated. Useful, wonderful, I-feel-so-much-closer-to-you-now things.)
… And it takes less time than your average Netflix binge.
The first session lasts 3 hours. (I know. It’s long. But it won’t feel long, I promise.) And most couples only need 5 sessions of PACT therapy to feel utterly amazing together. It’s that good.
Because you’ve got enough to do. You don’t need more therapy. You need smarter therapy. You need PACT.
Stop wondering where the magic went … and start conjuring it.
Get back to the lovey dovey.
I’m Julie Rappaport and this ain’t my first rodeo.
Did you know there are precisely 1.7 bajillion therapeutic modalities? I should know: I’ve studied a big fraction of them, from trans-personal psychotherapy to hypnotherapy to somanautics and beyond. Because I’m obsessive about finding the most effective, efficient, and holistic healing approaches.
But a few years ago, I started noticing something distressing. “Ugh, how boring” was coming out of my mouth way more than a good therapist should admit. It happened when I’d pack my suitcase for yet another training weekend … and sometimes it even happened (gasp!) after therapy sessions.
I knew my clients deserved better. Quicker, more enjoyable therapy. Stuff that really sparked change. In a big, deep, fun way.
I finally found all of that (and a bag of chips) with PACT. I was excited to pack that suitcase for those trainings … thrilled to show up to couples therapy sessions … and my clients raved about the results.
I can finally bring my full self to my practice: scientific mind, intuition, and sass. (Plus: my relationship with my husband has never been better.)
PACT feels like home, sweet home.
I’ll admit it: I have some woo-woo tendencies. I’ve done a 4-day vision quest, am pretty sure our souls have a color, and usually follow my intuition. But I also did pre-med and have a brain that craves facts. PACT is the best of my favorite worlds: I always have a blast, my heart sings as I watch couples genuinely connect, and the research-backed theories make my ultra-rational brain say ahhhh.
I skip down the other side of the street. (You, too?)
I swoon for a good spider roll, roll my eyes at (most) kombucha, and my heroes? Kick ass and take names — all for love. I tell my friends when they have chia seeds in their teeth — so we can go on laughing. I’ve worked my ass off, but my children are the best thing I’ve ever done.
I’ve learned that “rock bottom” is often the start of something amazing.
When the going gets rough, it’s a great time to dig deeper. It’s these moments that show us what we’re made of … and open our eyes to possibilities we couldn’t have dreamed of, before.
I don’t take sides. Because I’m fighting for you both.
Sugar-coating isn’t in my job description … and neither is letting you off the hook. I’ll level the playing field and make you both a scosh uncomfortable, so we can get to the heart of what’s happening.
You guys … have got this.
You’re more powerful than you know. And this love, between you … is a miracle. As imperfect as it is, it’s gorgeous stuff. And I’d be honored to guide you home to each other.
You guys … have got this.
Reconnect and be teammates again.
Laundry and taxes and mother-in-laws, oh my!
What you fight about … ain’t the real problem.
Most couples fight about the same things, over and over again. The reason you can’t resolve the problem is: you’re not getting to the root of the matter.
Where did those butterflies go, and why am I in this hand-basket?
Sure: your ears are bleeding from your toddler who screams like a banshee, you’re stressed about that surprise tax bill, and it would be really nice if you could see your pretty hardwood floor instead of piles of laundry. Those things you’re fighting about do matter. But they’re usually not the real reason you’re fighting.
Fall in love … with your fights.
With PACT, you’ll learn what the real problems are. And it will teach you how to de-escalate conflicts (without avoiding them or sugar-coating them) so you can calm down, reconnect, and get back on the same team.
It’s not that you’ll never fight again, after PACT. Feathers will still get ruffled, from time to time. But you’ll have the know-how to quickly, easily resolve things, on a bone-deep level. You’ll know the magic word or touch to calm your partner down, drop in, and move forward, together.
Sometimes? Love isn’t all you need. (Sorry, Ringo.)
To turn a good relationship into an amazing one, we all need some know-how … and a little help from our friends.
Have the relationship of your dreams
I want you to live happily ever awesome.
You don’t have to be a relationship expert to have the best relationship, ever. You just have to put in a little (oh-so-worth-it) time.
It starts with firing your autopilot.
He’s a jerk, anyway — and I think I just saw him do a shot of tequila. When you learn to look below the surface of your conflict and disconnection, you can break that nag-and-neglect cycle and take control of your relationship.
Sure, it takes a little time. But what could be more important?
And when you two are on the same team? Watch out, world!
This isn’t defeat … it’s getting back on the same team. #Winning.
When you’re in a great relationship, you can do things you could never do alone. Because you’ve got two brains to solve problems, and two hearts to make more love. Love truly is greater than the sum of its parts. Love has the power to change your world. One smooch at a time.
So stop waiting for the sparks to fly again … and start lighting them.
Take The First Step…